WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
