She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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