frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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