she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
