when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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