you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
