non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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