M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
