in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
