she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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