i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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