you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
