Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
