Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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