It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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