if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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