yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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