I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
