great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
