My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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