During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i out mim tonsoeep
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