Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You're like the curious george of whores
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize