Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How's work?
Spinning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
