i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
