70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
