Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
