I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
