this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
