I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
