I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
