Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
