Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
