How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
