i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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