I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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