i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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