I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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