wat bout pragnant strippers??
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
