The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
