apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
