I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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