When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
