i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
