Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
