Cold hands, warm shart.
Barsexuality is the new black.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
