I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
