Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize