yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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