..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
