Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
