Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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