I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
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if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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