I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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