Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
