The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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