why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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