he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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