Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.

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(661): View more from California

i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.

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(847): View more from Illinois

so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

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(607): View more from New York

flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final

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(409): View more from Texas

I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop

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(406): View more from Montana

I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"

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(925): View more from California

All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.

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(904): View more from Florida

It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!

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