we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
